Capital City Cycles

The great Ikeabikes

Posted in bikes, opinion, Products by capitalcitycycles on December 7, 2010

Ikea USA announced recently that they would give all their employees a bike for Christmas, as a gesture of kindness, and some company savings on Christmas bonuses. The bikes represent all the latest in cycling technology and all that, for the low low price of about 35 bucks and a little child labour: no! who said that?! not the holy Swedes! Shame on you Halldor.

Via Bike Portland:

“In a statement about the gifts, IKEA US President Mike Ward said:

“It’s been a good year for IKEA, so what better way to celebrate our success than to thank our IKEA co-workers who made this happen.”

Well lets see, how about something of some monetary value, maybe a pair of scissors?

Note the leaps in technological evolution presented above: The seat tube is my personal favorite but without the quill stem and the riser bars and thumb shifters it just would not be as cool. Overall I’d say that all the technology comes together to present a futuristic cyclotochno bundle. What a sweet machine! Cant wait for one of those to turn up on Craigslist.

So how do you think that abomination came to be? This is how I imagine the board meeting:

“Hey fellars, I got a great idea for the Christmas bonuses this year…Yeah lets give everybody crappy bikes instead of giving them some extra cash for Christmas! We can appear nature friendly and at the same time save money and look like we’re a bunch of swell guys. How does that sound? Ok that’s settled then. So should we actually talk to somebody who knows anything about bikes do you think? Nah did not think so…ok lets do it then.”

Yup great idea guys. I think lots of unfortunate American kids are going to receive an “Ikeabike” for Christmas in a sad twist of fate. Poor kids…


One Response

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  1. jeff stiff said, on April 6, 2011 at 12:34 am

    just imagine putting that beast together. one weird tool shaped like a “X” puts the whole thing together.

    did they give it a sweet ikea name too?

    like the “ShitNCycle” or “DethenTrapen”

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